To (happy) new beginnings!

Have some time for this reading....

The start of anything new means change. Yes, change, transformation. Growth!

Do these words make you feel happy-I-am-sweating-of-excitement or make you roll-your-eyes-and-curve-into-a-little-ball?

We can't ignore knowing that we are in constant movement. The planet we live is literally rotating into day and night; and is revolving around the Sun and giving us the concept of days, weeks, months - seasons - and years. So, life is movement, and we can't stop minutes becoming hours, days becoming weeks and months becoming years (and 5, 10, 30 years...), So you get the idea that time keeps going on whether we acknowledge it or not.

(yeah, I will get to the point soon... and welcome to how my complex brain works... haha)

Sometimes we all get that secret wish we had the superpower to freeze-time-and-make-the-world-stop-and-let-us-figure-out-our-confusing-thoughts-first. But reality checks-in and we know we are really human with human powers, so we seek other alternatives, right?

So, since the clock is in movement, and we can't stop ourselves having birthdays and becoming adults, watching cute babies growing (into children, teenagers and adults that will have their own lives, and their own houses), our elders becoming older, diseases and accidents interfering with our plans, companies going into restructurings'....

The point is... (finally!) we can't stop time and we can't control (some) changes... so what we CAN do is be aware of how we feel about the changes and control how we deal with the changes. And how to plan the changes we want to welcome in our lives.

So, whether you feel the word* "change" as the happy-I-am-sweating-of-excitement-for-the future or "take-me-out-of-here-I-am-scared-for-what-happens-to-my-current-normal-life or I-think-I-don't-care-about-any-of-this-but-deeply-I-dont-know-how-to-feel-about-it I would like to share some thoughts with you.

By the way, wording is important to me (NLP basics), so if the word "change" makes you uncomfortable, please don't be, please pick another word that feels more positive, like "growth" or "transformation"... and see if the paragraphs above resonate better with the substitution.

First it is super ok to feel mixed feelings. Most change/transformation/growth is complex and there are a mix of positive and not so positive feelings - the only thing that is scientifically not healthy is to avoid or ignore that you are feeling something. It is ok to feel all the characters from the Inside Out movie: angry, sad, disgust, fear and happy.

To feel change/transformation/growth as positive or negative depends on what kind of lenses you are choosing to use. Having a growth mindset, an optimist view of the world or a pattern-of-I-hope-my-future-is-better-than-now will automatically set you to expect change to be exciting, to be curious about the future, to hope for the better. The problem with choosing a negative frame of mind and expecting the worst is that traps you in a no-other-option-than-dread-to-fulfil-this-self-proclaimed-prophecy-and-get-a-worse-outcome.

How can we be aware of how we feel? First accept the feeling, don't try to avoid or ignore or feel bad for having a feeling that is not sunshine and rainbows. Identify the feeling. If they are all mixed up like in the "Colour Monster" book, put each feeling in a jar and self-assess, name your feelings.

General examples: I feel sad my friend is in pain, I feel angry for injustice, I feel disappointed when I am not the best parent I can be, I feel shame for being fired, I feel excited for getting married, I feel awe when I saw my baby, I feel joy when I see a dog, I feel vulnerable for starting in a new school, I feel grief for living without a loved one, I feel uncomfortable when someone shares a challenging story. . Note: Soon, I will write about how I love Brene Brown's book "Atlas of the Heart" to help us understand the language of human experiences and better deal with them.

To move into a positive state also begins with knowing where you are starting from. Know how you feel now and then state how you want to feel instead. And please stretch and go beyond I want to feel happily ever after, I believe you can be more specific.

General examples: I want to feel hopeful about the new career, I want to feel proud of my parenting skills when school starts, I want to feel admiration for my partner, I want to feel proud of my project, I want to feel connected to my family, I want to feel grateful for my achievements, I want to feel proud of my self-development.

After being more aware on how you feel and how you want to feel about the change/transformation/growth in your life, you can focus on dealing with it.

Even when you are the one that chose to start the change it always requires adjustment, minor or major, but adjustments. Be aware that it is something new. Maybe you changed cities or countries, you were promoted, moved to a new company, assumed a full-time parenting role, started school, started university, became a pet owner, got married, got un-married, became a parent, became a second-time parent... these are all new roles that lead to adjustment in your identity and your routine. Parents will know you will be known as Your-child-name's parent - forever.

When the new role was unwanted, or out-of-your-control-but-came-anyway, or even expected-but-I-was-not-ready-and-don't-know-what-is-happening it requires much more attention to your overall state and how you deal with it. It may require a professional mental health support in some cases. These are the cases of having children, special children, confused teenagers or young adults in the house; or living with a new health condition, a new financial condition, a new employment condition, a new relationship status or without the presence of someone important in your life.

Dealing with the change means you are behaving or taking action. Even when you don't want to acknowledge or do anything about it, deep down you know doing nothing is a kind of action. Not talking about what is bothering you is also a kind of action. Ignoring is not healthy and it will find a way to catch your attention using your own health (going through body-aches is part of the alarm system of the mind, telling you to pay attention to something you keep ignoring). And since we already understood time and life keeps going on - even when we want the secret powers to pause or stop it - it is a matter of how much time will you spend/waste in denial, in doing nothing and in indulging in self-pity waiting for an external hero to rescue you.

Keeping up with how to feel about the changes, the way to deal with changes is also to be aware and to take ownership of a better tomorrow. First accept and identify what are you doing, to yourself and to others. And self-assess: is this behaviour good for you? is it good for your loved ones? what do you want to be doing instead? Then, take ownership, be your own hero, find your own internal support, do the actions that will lead you to the future you want. For this bit you may need support of a coaching professional but it is always ok to try on your own so I will leave some tools around this blog to help you work on your own.

So, to end this first post (yeah.... finally... you and I made it!), my hope is I got you excited about your life and your future. I don't know if I made sense for you, but I wanted to say it is ok to feel, think and act confused towards transitions in our lives. It is also ok to be uncomfortable and vulnerable with changes, and it is super ok to communicate and ask for support when things are too overwhelming to deal on your own. And since time is a very important currency in our time on Earth, I hope you start your movement towards the life you want for yourself as soon as possible, not to waste precious minutes or years in an undesired state.

The movie of your life is already rolling! It doesn't stop! What is going to happen in the next scene? Who is going to be the director of your life's next chapters?

Let's engage in happy new beginnings! To all of us in adjusting into new roles, challenging transformations, expected growth, that we find the motivation, clarity, confidence, energy to live a purposeful and meaningful life!

Thanks for your time! Thanks for the opportunity to express myself and I hope you get a positive step in your life from all this reading.

All the best, Daniela.